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Holiday at Christmas and a few others [message #299758] Tue, 25 September 2018 12:26 Go to next message
Kermit is currently offline  Kermit   United Kingdom
Messages: 23334
Registered: June 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Karma: 22
(22) Giacomo Agostini
"What are you doing on that laptop?" asked my wife.
"How does Turkey this year sound," I smiled, "Me, you and the two kids, what do you say?"
"When?" she asked. "Christmas time," I replied.
"It sounds amazing, but we can't afford it," she asked with a quiver in her voice.
"Yes we can," I replied, "Tesco are doing a big one for £12.99 if we pre-order it now."

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An older gentleman was On the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthetic, He asked to speak to his son 'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember if it doesn't go well and something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife'

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I joined a Dating website the other day, they asked me what i was interested in,so i wrote, 'Page 3 girls, I think they're really sexy'.
I wondered why i hadn't had any responses until i realised the letter 'P' on my keyboard wasn't working......

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I went down to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions earlier today.
I walked up to the main desk to sign in and the lady pulled out a form to fill out.
She asked for my personal info, wrote it down and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, 'A folding bottle.' She said, 'Okay. What do you call it?'
'A fottle.'
'What else do you have there?'
'A folding carton.'
'OK, what do you call it?'
'A farton.'
She chuckled and said, 'Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds a bit crude.'
I was so upset by her comment I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket...

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My grief counsellor died recently, but luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.

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I went to lunch with a champion chess player. It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

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Only 6 games into the season and I've already seen a Newcastle United season ticket nailed to a tree.
I thought to myself: "I'm having that." After all, you can never have enough nails, can you?

[Updated on: Tue, 25 September 2018 12:28]

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Re: Holiday at Christmas and a few others [message #299759 is a reply to message #299758] Tue, 25 September 2018 16:01 Go to previous message
Yorkie is currently offline  Yorkie   United Kingdom
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(8) Moto2 GP Racer
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