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A few jokes [message #300299] Tue, 12 February 2019 23:14 Go to next message
Kermit is currently offline  Kermit   United Kingdom
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Registered: June 2003
Location: Yorkshire
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(22) Giacomo Agostini
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...
...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french Blush


A man was driving down the M5 about 3am doing 100mph when he gets pulled over by the police. The officer says in a thick west country accent "do you realise sir how dangerous it is to drive at such a high speeds on this motorway"? The driver protests "it's 3am officer there's nobody else on the road I just want to get home" The copper says "you think its clear and safe but what if you had come round that bend sir and come across Mr fog"? The man smiles and says smugly "I would simply put Mr foot, on Mr brake" The copper growls "I SAID MIST, OR FOG"


The Met office has announced that the current spell of wintry weather will continue to cause havoc for travellers. As you can't tarmac a driveway under 10 cm of snow.


If someone makes their fortune in ships we call him a shipping magnate.
If someone makes thier fortune in oil We call them an oil magnate.
What do you call someone who makes his fortune selling fridges?



I got an e-mail advertising guaranteed penis enlargement for £1.99. I clicked the link, entered my details and the bastards stole my identity and cleaned out my bank account.
Still, it sort of worked. I feel a massive prick now.


I introduced the new guy to everyone in the office . I said "everybody this is Chris he's going to be working with us, he may have difficulty understanding us he's a mongol"
At which point Libby the feminazi lept up and ranted "you're an utter disgrace to describe Chris that way, I would have said Chris has downs syndrome and learning difficulties".
Then Chris head butted Libby square in the face. Guys from Ulaanbaatar don't take insults lightly.

[Updated on: Tue, 12 February 2019 23:14]

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Re: A few jokes [message #300300 is a reply to message #300299] Wed, 13 February 2019 08:40 Go to previous message
Gearbox is currently offline  Gearbox   United Kingdom
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(15) Kenny Roberts
Thumbs Up Doh No Finger
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