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B&Q JOB APPLICATION [message #279736] Tue, 16 July 2013 22:28 Go to next message
slaz1 is currently offline  slaz1   
Messages: 10419
Registered: March 2004
Location: Moved
(21) Valentino Rossi





This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. They hired him because he was so funny....



NAME:
Riley (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:
Not lately, but 1 am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITON:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITON HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PRFFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here'?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. absolutely.
Re: B&Q JOB APPLICATION [message #279741 is a reply to message #279736] Tue, 16 July 2013 23:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kermit is currently offline  Kermit   
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(22) Giacomo Agostini
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Re: B&Q JOB APPLICATION [message #279744 is a reply to message #279741] Wed, 17 July 2013 11:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
streeky is currently offline  streeky   
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(21) Valentino Rossi
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Re: B&Q JOB APPLICATION [message #279755 is a reply to message #279744] Wed, 17 July 2013 18:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ybikerdon is currently offline  ybikerdon   
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Re: B&Q JOB APPLICATION [message #279880 is a reply to message #279755] Wed, 24 July 2013 21:39 Go to previous message
Gazk is currently offline  Gazk   
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