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A few dodgy ones you may have heard already. [message #301490] Sun, 24 November 2019 11:20 Go to next message
RWB929 is currently offline  RWB929   United Kingdom
Messages: 4327
Registered: June 2003
Location: Edge of the Forest - Suff...
Karma: 3
(13) MotoGP Champion
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.

3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "paedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 22 and I'm 70. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

6. A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to the Salvation Army to get all of her clothes back.

9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."

10. If you get an email entitled, "Nude Photo of Hillary Clinton", don't open it, it contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.
Re: A few dodgy ones you may have heard already. [message #301491 is a reply to message #301490] Sun, 24 November 2019 15:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kermit is currently offline  Kermit   United Kingdom
Messages: 24124
Registered: June 2003
Location: Yorkshire
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(22) Giacomo Agostini
#6 to #10 good Thumbs Up Laugh
Re: A few dodgy ones you may have heard already. [message #301498 is a reply to message #301491] Tue, 26 November 2019 20:15 Go to previous message
VTRsp2 is currently offline  VTRsp2   United Kingdom
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Registered: December 2007
Location: Devon
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(8) Moto2 GP Racer
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